Saturday, January 14, 2012

A Call to Arms

I'm a homebody.  When given the choice between heading up to the Sunset Strip to party at a bar or staying home in my pj's sipping tea and watching a movie, I'll choose the latter every time.  So when Adam told me that a friend of ours was celebrating a birthday at Red Rock last night, I knew we should go, but I didn't want to.  So much so that (when Adam wasn't looking) I went into the bathroom and cried about it like a child might cry about not wanting to go to school.  I really, really did not want to go.   
I've never seen a doctor about it, but I'm pretty sure I have some sort of social anxiety disorder.  I care too much about how I'm perceived, I hate small talk and I tend to avoid strangers.  I also had those pesky gremlins in my head, pointing out my flaws and how audacious it would be for a chubby, thirty-something in jeans and and a t-shirt to dare try and mingle with svelte, twenty-something would-be models with their high heels and mini-skirts in the heart of Hollywood.  I felt old and fat (and tired after working with energetic first graders all day) and I just wanted the comforts of home.  
But I'm not a child, I'm not old and I'm not fat.  So I did what any self-respecting woman would do.  I shook it off.  I washed my face, donned my best pair of dangly oh-no-she-didn't earrings and put on a rocking shade of red lipstick.  I braved the beautiful and the unknown, and I got by with a little help from my friends.  And though it pains me to admit it, I had fun.  
I write this in the hopes that the next time my shoulders begin to rise in nervous aprehension from the thought of a night out in the wild, I'll remember that all the bullshit in my head is just that - bullshit.  It's time to grow up and get out.  Let this be a call to arms for you too, dear reader.  Don't let your insecurities keep you from living life.  Take a risk and reap the reward!

1 comment:

  1. Irene was the very same way, I suspect her entire life. We had to drag her from home kicking and screaming but every time, every single time she ventured out, she always had fun and was glad she went. But then it started all over again with the next social event. I guess some folks are just like that. No biggie. Be yourself.