Thursday, February 23, 2012

Lyrics for Livin'

My secret boyfriend: Ray LaMontagne.
Ray doesn't know, and neither does my husband, so don't spill the beans.
I love a good lyric... perhaps even more than a good poem.  Because let's face it, well written lyrics are just poems with a melody - and who doesn't love a melody?
Here are a few of my favorite spirit-lifting lyrics to color your day.

"I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget.  I've got a perfect body, 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat." ~ Regina Spektor (Folding Chair)

"You have suffered enough and warred with yourself, it's time that you won." ~ Glen Hansard (Falling Slowly)

"So much present in side my present..." ~ Feist (Past in Present)

"I looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest, said "Do your best to destroy me".  You see, I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me." ~ Ray Lamontagne (Empty)

"This is how it works: you're young until you're not. 
You love until you don't. 
You try until you can't.
You laugh until you cry. 

You cry until you laugh. 
And everyone must breathe until their dying breath.
This is how it works: you peer inside yourself, 

you take the things you like and try to love the things you took. 
And then you take that love you made and stick it into some... 
Someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood. 
And walking arm in arm, you hope it don't get harmed, 
but even if it does you'll just do it all again." 
~ Regina Spektor (On the Radio)

Please feel free to add your own in the Comments section!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Girl With Curves
Allow me to share with you (one of) my latest obsession(s):
This badass chica posts on all things fashion and beauty related, all the while looking fierce... and not just "cute for a plus-size girl-fierce", but pure, unadulterated exquisiteness!  I want to be her when I grow up.  Trouble is, I'm pretty sure I'm about ten years older than her.  Ah well.  I'm inspired none-the-less.  Check her out!
xo t

Playing Catch Up

I know, I know.  What's the point of having a blog if you don't use it, right?  'Tis true, I've been neglecting my writing duties, and I'm not proud.  Where I've been these past few weeks, I'm not quite sure.  I haven't been exceptionally busy - at least not busy enough to warrant not blogging for a month.  But I have been tired, and stuck in a rut.  A get up and go to work-come home and veg out rut.  No excuses.  I'm back, baby.  Let's catch up!
In January I had three goals; workout 20 times, start this blog and find a space for my one woman show.  Well, I worked out 14 times in January, and although I didn't reach my goal, I'm certain that if I didn't have the goal in my mind I would have logged less than 14 workouts through the month.  So, yeah, a success of sorts.  My "Mind" goal was a piece of cake - start the blog - check!  Now, for the real conundrum.  I've been searching for a theatre on the westside of L.A. that will host my show so that I don't have to pay a gazillion dollars to produce it... and yes, that's how much it costs to put up a one woman show in this town, a gazillion dollars.  So far, I've had no luck in finding a free space, so it looks like I'm going to have to bite the bullet and shell out the cash to rent a theatre.  Knowing this, you would've thought I'd have done it by now, but I'm stalling.  Smart business woman stalling?  No.  Nervous, insecure actor stalling?  Hell yes. I'll keep you posted on how this works out as future details unfold.
Now let's get back to good old fashioned body-lovin' posts!
Adam and I went out to this fancy restaurant for Valentine's Day last Saturday.  Going out to nice restaurants often ignites anxiety for me.  I have a fear that I'll get kicked out for not being innately fancy, that people will judge my plastic, oversized Forever 21 earrings and scoff at my Old Navy Jeans.  I did my best to look decent, sat up straight and made a valiant attempt at keeping my elbows off the table.  About halfway through dinner I went to the bathroom, which happened to have an enormous wall of mirrors.  I stood in front of them and guess what the first thought in my head was?  'God, I hate my hips!'?  Noooo.  'Ugh, even my elbows are fat!'? Keep guessing. 'Crap, I look like I'm pregnant!'?  Nope.  Okay, give up?  It was this - this was the my first thought that fateful Saturday night:
There's nothing wrong with you.
For those of you who know my struggle, you know how huge this is.  I know that a more powerful mantra might be something along the lines of 'You're beautiful, strong and powerful', but I'm not there yet.  So I'm starting with 'There's nothing wrong with you'.  Crazy as it sounds, this was one of those life-changing "a-ha" moments.  I'm taking it and I'm running with it.  Amen and hallelujah.  There's nothing wrong with me!
xo t

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

10 for 10

I don't look nearly this sexy when I do my muscle-ups...
  because I can't do a muscle-up... yet!
I've been Crossfitting for 10 months now.  Since I began last April I've lost 30lbs (at one point I could say I'd lost 43lb, but then the holidays hit and I began swapping Paleo meals for lattes and pumpkin bread - rookie mistake).  But more importantly, I've gone from being a sedentary, insulin-resistant, slightly agoraphobic and borderline diabetic to being an active, weight-lifting, meat eating, fitness machine.  I've learned so much from Crossfit that I'd like to share with y'all.  And I guarantee there's an even bigger education lying ahead for me this next year.  For now, I present the top ten...

10 Things I've Learned in 10 Months of Crossfit:

  1. When you're committed to taking a 6:00 am class and that alarm goes off at 5:30, you must remind yourself that showing up is the hardest part.  It's harder than the pull-ups.  It's harder than the burpees.  Ignore the voice inside you and just show up!
  2. You aren't the fastest or the strongest, and that's okay.  There will always be someone better than you.  Let them inspire you, then, inspire yourself by doing your best.
  3. Respect that your body changes everyday.  A 400 meter run can be a piece of cake one day and feel like torture the next.  Hormones.
  4. Whether you're squatting or running keep your head up.
  5. Nothing compares to the feeling of finishing a WOD.  You want that feeling.  You love that feeling.  And the only way to get it is to do a WOD.  You reap what you sow.  Sow somethin'!
  6. Never row barefoot.  It hurts.
  7. Don't eat cupcakes before a workout.  Eat them after.  Or don't eat them at all... unless it's your birthday... or someone else's birthday.  Or, whatever.
  8. Doing your best is the best you can do.
  9. Introduce yourself.  Go ahead and be that person.  You know that person?  The really nice one who extends a hand to every new face she sees to say "welcome" and "we're in this together".  Yeah.  Be her.
  10. Have fun!  Really.  Because it is.
Get movin' homies!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Law of Attraction
Do you believe in the Law of Attraction?  I used to, years ago.  I got sucked in with the rest of western society when The Secret came out.  I went whole hog into the world of vision boards, meditation and positive visualization.  And after a year or so, I gave up.  My million dollar check never showed up in the mail.  My supermodel legs never grew in.  And Tina Fey never called to tell me she'd like to turn my one woman show into the next indie comedy blockbuster, ala My Big Fat Greek Wedding.   So I gave up on it.  Plus, the idea that billions of suffering people in developing countries around the world are there because they "attracted" it never made sense to me.
So yeah, I have to say that I don't believe in the Law of Attraction.
This morning, after I woke up with a massive that's-what-you-get-for-drinking-caffeneited-coffee-when-you-know-your-body-can't-handle-it-headache I hopped on my bike to head to work - without my helmet.  My head was pounding, and I couldn't bare the thought of strapping on a tight, constricting apparatus around my oh-so delicate melon.  As I left the house I thought of a Doogie Howser M.D. episode (yeah, I went old school) where a woman dies in a car accident after she refused to wear a seatbelt because she didn't want to wrinkle her dress.  I thought to myself "you'll feel really stupid if you get in an accident while not wearing a helmet because you have a headache".  Then, about five seconds into my ride I got hit by a car.

Now, before you worry (mom), I should specify that the car was backing out of a carport at about five miles an hour.  It knocked my bike and my body to the ground, and after a few mighty screams and a series of panicked banging on the trunk, the driver stopped just short of slowly rolling over my frightened figure.  I'm fine.  My bike is fine.  And the driver, though equally shaken up, is fine (I hope).  To be honest, I was a little disappointed that I didn't have a war wound to brag about when I got to work, especially since it took a good half hour to slow my heart rate and get my eyes to stop watering.
So the question remains: do you believe in the Law of Attraction?

Saturday, January 14, 2012

A Call to Arms

I'm a homebody.  When given the choice between heading up to the Sunset Strip to party at a bar or staying home in my pj's sipping tea and watching a movie, I'll choose the latter every time.  So when Adam told me that a friend of ours was celebrating a birthday at Red Rock last night, I knew we should go, but I didn't want to.  So much so that (when Adam wasn't looking) I went into the bathroom and cried about it like a child might cry about not wanting to go to school.  I really, really did not want to go.   
I've never seen a doctor about it, but I'm pretty sure I have some sort of social anxiety disorder.  I care too much about how I'm perceived, I hate small talk and I tend to avoid strangers.  I also had those pesky gremlins in my head, pointing out my flaws and how audacious it would be for a chubby, thirty-something in jeans and and a t-shirt to dare try and mingle with svelte, twenty-something would-be models with their high heels and mini-skirts in the heart of Hollywood.  I felt old and fat (and tired after working with energetic first graders all day) and I just wanted the comforts of home.  
But I'm not a child, I'm not old and I'm not fat.  So I did what any self-respecting woman would do.  I shook it off.  I washed my face, donned my best pair of dangly oh-no-she-didn't earrings and put on a rocking shade of red lipstick.  I braved the beautiful and the unknown, and I got by with a little help from my friends.  And though it pains me to admit it, I had fun.  
I write this in the hopes that the next time my shoulders begin to rise in nervous aprehension from the thought of a night out in the wild, I'll remember that all the bullshit in my head is just that - bullshit.  It's time to grow up and get out.  Let this be a call to arms for you too, dear reader.  Don't let your insecurities keep you from living life.  Take a risk and reap the reward!